Each month I haunt the mailbox, eagerly awaiting the latest edition of my favorite home decorating magazine. I thrill flipping through the pages. Yet, even then, my desire isn’t satisfied. Sadly, I’m a home decorating magazine addict, craving more and more.
Yes, each month, I avidly review my HGTV Magazine, savagely folding back pages of room designs I adore, fiercely ripping out pictures of furniture I’m convinced would look ideal in my home. But then? Then, I do nothing. You see, I’m an “aspirational” designer, not an actual one.
It’s the same with cooking. I constantly copy recipes out of the newspapers and magazines with the diligence of a schoolgirl learning her lessons. But do I actually roast, sauté or flambe any of those recipes? No way.
As for those Home Decorating Magazine Blues
In my youth, I counted the days until the latest editions of my Foreign Policy and Foreign Affairs subscriptions arrived, but not today. Nope. Today it’s HGTV (and also Real Simple) that set my soul on fire. I guess I’m the one who’s become real simple. Of course, these days, I no longer dream of saving the world, just making my little corner of it perfect for my family and friends.
And when those homey magazines arrive, I have a specific methodology for reading them. First, I flip through them rapid fire, surveying the terrain, so to speak. While doing so, I fold back pages of the articles and pictures I’ll go back to for closer review.
Seriously, About the Blues
I ALWAYS return to the pages spotlighting rooms with the paint color blue. The reason? I’ve got a serious case of the blues! I dream and drool of a bedroom drenched in blue paint. While some women dream of the perfect man, I fortunately already have that in Handsome Hubby. So, instead, I desire that perfect blue bedroom.
But what is that perfect blue? Like all things of beauty, it is subjective and in the eyes of the beholder. Some blues are too bright. Some too green. And some too gray or too dark.
And color-challenged me becomes mystified and flummoxed when confronted with swatches and samples. So, I turn to that perfect man, HH. But he’s no help. Not because he’s bad at picking paint colors. No, that’s not it at all. He’s a virtual color-ologist — if such a thing exists. But in this case, he doesn’t see color, he sees W-O-R-K, knowing that no sooner do I pick the perfect blue, then, there will go his perfect weekend, spent instead of playing pool with his buddies, painting the room.
Plus, truth be told, HH is a blue hater. Doesn’t like the color. Never has.
So, I’m on my own in this hunt. Like Captain Ahab, I quest. It’s lonely. But I persevere.
That’s why I wait each month for my HGTV.
Paint Perfection … Almost
This month, I thought I had found blue paint nirvana on p. 5, with Sherwin-Williams “Sleepy Hollow.” Hallelujah and Hosannah! It’s perfect or so I thought. I should have slammed the magazine closed and rushed to the store, but no, no, no. I kept looking. Sure enough, on pages 80-81, I found another “perfect” blue, called “Bluesy Note.”
So, having found two perfect blues, I had the blues. Once again, I was left with indecision, doubt, and, of course, inaction.
And don’t get me started on do-it-yourself projects! I’m actually a big fan of them — or should I say I’m a big fan of tearing out pictures of or pages for instructions of do-it-yourself projects. But I never seem to do them. I just collect torn-out magazine pages of potential projects.
This month’s project I know I won’t do: Wrapping and gluing beads around a glass vase. I found it under an article entitled “Bead It Beauty.” It looks quite fetching. Easy too. While I’ll never do it, I’ve got the article tucked away — just in case.
Maybe I should make a cute do-it-yourself box to organize and file all those do-it-yourself magazine articles I’ve got lying around the house? I could paint it (by myself without HH’s help, thank you very much) various shades of blue. Now that’s an idea — one all the organizational mavens over at Real Simple and HGTV would approve of!