‘Tis the Season for Pandemic Gift-Giving

Oh, my. Pandemic gifts are the rage. Well, in any case, they’re throwing me into a minor rage or at least a serious holiday funk. What to give loved ones when you’re social distancing? If you’re in need of a few helpful — and healthful — hints, here are eight suggestions, some tongue-in-cheek, some genuinely useful. After all, ’tis the season for pandemic gift-giving!

I. Mask Chains

Our grandmothers used to wear fuddy-duddy chains for their bifocals. Now we can wear chains for our masks. Très elegant — a-hum! But, at least très useful, and certainly a step up from scrambling like a madwoman every time someone comes to the door with a liquor delivery that requires your signature!

Mask chains come in beaded options. Faux gold and silver. Real gold. Real silver. Stainless steel. Retro tortoise shell. The options are seemingly as endless as the days we’re stuck in this horrible cycle of disease, worry, and economic decline.

II. Mask Hanging Racks

Who needs to hang your dripping masks over a towel rack? How déclassé, as the French would say! And oy vey, how messy, as my people, definitely say!

Instead buy a petite drying rack made “exclusively” for your masks. You can find them on Amazon and Etsy. Why not?

Or alternately, why? Who needs more clutter? Haven’t we spent the past year in a sheltering-in-place frenzy trying to declutter like it’s nobody’s business?

Still, I dunno. The diminutive drying racks are awfully cute and they don’t really take up that much space! Maybe I’ll buy one for you and one for me, too!

III. Extender Straps

No, I’m not suggesting something kinky! Please, this is a PG-rated blog!

This is for the gift-giver with an ear for the practical. If you are that person, consider gifting mask ear extender straps for loved ones with achy ears (or more specifically that space behind the ears where the elastic pulls). There are options galore.

IV. Now, for Something Different … Masks

As for actually buying someone a mask, now that’s a scary prospect! Which one to pick? What color? What pattern? And which kind is the best? The safest?

Buying the perfect mask falls into the danger zone of finding the perfect sweater for someone. Better perhaps to deliberately buy the worst mask and have a good laugh! Heaven knows good laughs are in short supply right now. So, maybe gag masks are good gift ideas after all!

V. “Paw” Pandemic Gift-Giving

Then, moving from the face to the paws, hand sanitizers are a good gift option — no, make that a “great” gift option for 2020. So, proclaimed the Washington Post.

The august Post recently weighed in with five recommendations. And hey, who am I to express disdain? I scurried to two of the recommended sanitizer sites, and yes, I bought “holiday gift sets” for loved ones. Oh, my, COVID-19, what have you done to us?

VI. Gloves Make the Woman?

Once cashmere-lined and fur-trimmed leather gloves were considered luxe. Now you might consider gifting the lovelies in your life a box of latex-free nitrile gloves!

VII. The Key to Their … Hearts?

And for those of you looking for a nifty gifty option, how about a “no contact” key to open doors, push elevator buttons, and flush public toilets? Is this another sign of true love in the Year 2020?

VIII. Gift-Giving Super-Star

Of course, if you want to really show how much you care this Christmas and Hannukah, you’ll score lots of hugs and kisses (even socially distant ones) by buying the BIG THREE ITEMS on EVERYBODY’s wish list:

1. Toilet Paper
2. Clorox Wipes
3. Purell.

Buy the Big Three in bulk for those you love, and for months to come, they’ll be calling you Santa Claus with all the love and affection you so obviously deserve!

That’s it. My eight suggestions for pandemic gift-giving. I hope this list helps make your COVID season shopping a little easier. I know it’s a tough time, but we’ll get through it. Vaccines are coming.

Till next week, muddle on, my dears. Stay healthy. And however, you dry your masks — specialty petite drying racks or plopped over the towel bar, please just be sure to wear them!

🎄 🕎 🎄  🕎

And back by popular request, here’s last year’s 8 Tips for Personal Holiday Fulfillment. Feel free to print it out and hand it to your husband. Gentlemen, one and all, take heed. Read it. Follow it. You’ll thank me.